Naming Crimes

[Pictured in photo are my four children as young adults.]

When my youngest sister brought her first baby home, no one noticed there was a problem.

 But an alarm went off for me.

I was a senior in high school at the time and was looking forward to graduating in June and starting college in the fall. I had been active in choir, drama, along with church and community activities, but we were all looking forward to my sister's return with her new baby.

I had spent a lot of time during high school dreaming up names for my future kids. My first son would be Derek Lee Vard, inspired by the movie star John Derek and Lee Vard from a friend from church  My first daughter would be Desiree Yvette, inspired by the lead in a 1954 American  historical romantic film. And if I had a second girl, she’d be Monique Michelle. These names were my treasures, known to my family and friends as my 'future babies.'

 

I was 16 and years away from getting married and having children, but at least my perfect names were decided: Derek Lee Vard, Desiree Yvette, and Monique Michelle.

 That's why when my youngest sister returned home with her new baby and announced her son's name was Derek Lee Vard, I was shocked.

The room seemed to be spinning for a moment as I tried to process what she’d just said.

Derek Lee Vard?

My Derek Lee Vard?

My throat tightened, and I felt heat rising to my face.

Did she know what she’d done? Should I say something?

Everyone was cooing over the baby, but I could barely look at him.

My future son’s name was gone—given to someone else."

My sister didn't even know the source of her new son's name, but the damage was done.

I moved on to graduate from high school that June, began attending the local teacher's college in the fall and turned my attention to a new set of boys, sorority life, and college activities.

 But it wasn't over.

I was in for an even bigger shock when my second sister got married, joined her husband when he was stationed by the US Army in  Germany. During their time there she gave birth to their first two kids. 

Daughters.

You guessed it.

Ding! Ding! Ding!

My second sister named her daughters Desiree Yvette and Monique Michelle.

What was wrong with these people? THOSE WERE MY NAMES!

By then I was focusing on finishing college and decided to take the high road.

But years later after finishing my first two years of teaching, when I had my first child at age 25, I flashed back to the time when I had my baby names carefully selected.

I had cherished those names, but now they were the names of my first nieces and nephew.

I had to choose new names for my babies.

One thing I had never thought to do until my first child was born was to ask my sisters why they "stole" my babies' names.

So after I brought my first baby, a daughter, home from the hospital, I abandoned the high road and asked them what I had always wondered:  "Why did you take my babies' names?"

 "We figured you'd become an old maid and never need those names, so we took them!"

"I see." But I didn't really. It hurt that they had  decided when I was in high school that I would never get married nor have children. 

I can't imagine doing the same thing to them or anyone else.

 

The Final Outcome

I managed to find names for my four children, pictured in the header.

âś…I named my first baby Tamra because I liked the song "Tammy" by Jay Livingston and lyrics by Ray Evans published in 1957 and made its debut in the film Tammy and the Bachelor. Her middle name is Elizabeth, her paternal grandmother's name.

âś…Even though my second sister, Sonja, had taken the names I had planned for my daughters, I named my second baby after her. My sister had been named for the famous ice skater, Sonja Henie, a Norwegian figure skater and film star. I changed the spelling to "Sonya" to keep Americans from butchering the pronunciation. Her middle name is Alcia, named after the English department chairman at my first teaching job who I admired.

âś…Since my husband was a junior, I decided to name my third child, my son, Herbert Thomas Brown, III.

âś…Finally, my baby daughter, Adrienne Cedella, named herself while we were in the hospital the day after she was born. (That's a story for another day.) Her middle name is for my favorite babysitter, Cedella, who was like a grandmother to my kids.

Both of my sisters are now deceased, and their kids as well as mine are middle-aged.

I discovered that "stealing" names may not be a punishable crime by law, but family disputes over names are more common than you'd think, and has caused fierce family feuds.

Writing about my experience with this for the first time has given me a new perspective. 

In the end, I've let it go. Derek, Desiree, and Monique were never meant to be mine. Naming my own children gave me a chance to create something uniquely ours—names with new stories and new meanings. And yet, I still wonder… was it petty sibling rivalry, or did my sisters really think I’d never use those names? 

I believe my youngest sister hadn't given much thought to what she'd name her son until she had to fill out the paper work for the birth certificate. She had a good heart,  was cavalier and spontaneous all her life. I think she just picked a name she had heard many times.

My middle sister, on the other hand, had a mean streak I never understood. Even as a kid she seemed to be nursing some sadness, so I believe she got some strange joy from taking something that meant a lot to me. 

Of course, I’ll never know. And now, I don't need to know. I'm at peace with the life I created following my dreams. I feel especially blessed that I got to be mom to four beautiful and smart  children, and now grandmom to three grandkids and great grandmom to nine great- grandchildren.  Hollywood couldn't have produced a better ending. 

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